Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. -Harold Whitman

Thursday, June 9, 2011

[somebody stop me]

so after a pep talk from mary yesterday, which was preceded by a small pity party, i walked away from the desktop determined to save my side of the jack and jill office.  instead, i proceeded to move every item in the garage and bring most of it in the house. i have no idea why.  i am not even sure how i ended up out there.

i do know that it was worrisome to me that the charity would be coming on friday (now tomorrow) and there wasn't clear access to the stuff I knew needed to go.  there are several baby toys that must go before the kids get wind that they could go out there in the garage and be foraging.  so barefoot i began moving things.  within the first ten minutes i had literally trapped myself and the only choice was to unpack/move things.

sweet home alabama. it was hot out there despite a fan, you could feel the 94 degree day.  lucky for me the garage is on the north side of the house.  but i did it.  honestly, it made sense.  with what i had brought in already there was enough wiggle room to rearrange boxes by category and separate the donation pile from the "dear lord where i am going to put this too" pile.  it also became abundantly clear, i was not going to have enough space in the office for everything, and that the britannica book collection would need to vacate, along with the antique books. . .and go elsewhere.  we have a bookcase and a half of homeless books, this was overwhelming.

so i turned my attention to the antique record player cabinet my grandfather retrofitted to become storage.  there were only two places left in the house it could go, the master, or the entertainment room in the basement.  the husband and i had already agreed the we wanted to keep the entertainment room as uncluttered as possible, it's just such a gorgeous room now.  yet it might be handy for storing things like dvds and xbox games.  nope.  so up the stairs it and i went.  at one point i was five steps up, pulling it from above, one step and rest and so on, that's when my son came yelling they needed help making netflix work on the xbox.  sorry dude, i'm stuck. I finally got it up the stairs, it has to weigh over 75 lbs and is tall and awkward.  i got it in my room to discover it looked terrible everywhere i tried.  oh salty barnacles (real words changed to protect the tired and grumpy).

i still hadn't figured out what on earth i was going to put inside it but I had in mind to put mementos, old letters and things in it.  all of those were in the closet.  this came to mind as i could not find a place for the piece anywhere in the room where it didn't look enormous and overbearing.  so, into the closet it went.  it's a closet, it doesn't have to feel open, and i can close the door to it.  so in it went, into the corner where i can't really get to my clothes anyway.  i was exhausted.  so i laid down on the bed. what's the point?  

the point is, had i not been crazy and exhausted i never would have laid down on the bed and looked up at the plant ledge.  you know the giant shelf.  a room length shelf. . .a bookcase and a half length shelf.  i could put the books up there.  it's 3 feet deep so the books won't really be visible anyway.  they won't be cluttery, you won't be able to see them when you enter the room. . .this was my pay off for the sweat and ridiculous moving i did this afternoon, a solution for the books.  i am undone with relief.  

such a simple out of the box thinking answer, that came out of utter exhaustion.  after such an unsatisfactory performance with the kids today i went to talk to penny before she went to sleep, told her i was proud of her even though i wasn't proud of myself today.  we talked about today and what we would do, i felt lighter.  i surprised them by finishing unpacking and putting away the playroom, they are over the moon.  it was a great surprise this morning. and they truly appreciated it.

they went out to pick strawberries and i pulled the invasive morning glory out of the flower beds, whacked my head on a tree branch, so i went and got the loppers.  2 minutes later, no more head banging maple branches, noted holes in the perennial bed where the cuphea didn't over winter.  all simple little things not on the to-do list but satisfying.  took the kids to panera for breakfast, got bagels for dinner.  penny and i saw beautiful purple campanula. . .perfect for those holes.  got them and crusty bread and texas toast for lunch.  

penny is painting a rainbow and josh is happy watching a show.

we are not the family we were yesterday.  because i am not stressed out, because there is a plan.  because mary talked me down out of absolute screaming frustration.  i love her.  i also love the husband, we had a good talk last night, about things, and i think we all start today off on a better foot.

the list

  • no yelling at kids
  • patience with kids- particularly when i realized penny had left her basket of fairies at the restaurant, we were already home.  
  • get to those lists from yesterday yesterday
  • get on the 31 days to clean
  • process niece's photos while watching tv tonight?
  • get the rest of the keeper stuff in from the garage (somebody should stop me, i am insane)
  • find the office
  • get the kids to a park or outside around dinner- andy did
we can do this.
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1 comment:

  1. What a great post! I am so proud of you! You are doing it one day (sometimes one moment) at a time. Your reflection is so thoughtful and that is where true change happens. :D