Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. -Harold Whitman

Sunday, June 19, 2011

{fresh start}

How many times in the last 4 years have I said that? Too many.

with feeling guilty...with being mad at myself...for starting hard and giving up way too easily.
I want
become healthy again.

So I'm back. For good. No more rock bottoms. No more tomorrows. Yesterday I said tomorrow and every yesterday before that I said tomorrow. This is it. I'm only living in this day, hour, minute, second. I can only make choices for now and plan for the next one.

It isn't 'hard.' I've done it before (TWICE!). I've never had 100+ lbs to lose before though. I know I have to take it 1 lb (or 5 or 10) at a time but in reality I know it is a 106 and it will take me at least a year to get there. Sometimes that gets me really down and then the negative feelings come on earth did I let this happen to myself?!?!

Starting feels different this time...

Hubs is gone for a 4 week business trip. Since together we have developed some very bad habits over the years, having him gone feels like a head start. Not that he wouldn't support me 100% (he would) but now all I have to worry about it what I am eating. I'm hoping to use this time to establish new habits and work towards some short term goals. I am not telling him what I'm doing. It'll be fun to show him when he gets home.

here it goes...

before pics: 6/19/2011 - 236lbs 5'7"

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