Don’t ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. -Harold Whitman

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


i laugh, just typing that title.  

today is better despite many things being worse. i think i am getting a cold, it's just at the beginning, but i took a set of nyquil caplets last night anyway.  because i am all over pharmaceuticals, i did years of "i'm trying to conceive/pregnant/breastfeeding" where i took nothing more than tylenol and tums, i now fully embrace the bosom of the cold and flu remedy aisle. . .i have to make up for lost time.   

the boy has impetigo and the visit to diagnosis him was excruciating.  he wouldn't stop interrupting to ask if he could take their book home (it happened once before) and Penny alternated between acting like she was on crack and screeching like i was going to beat the living daylights out of her. . .despite never having been spanked or struck, ever.  well except that one time i smacked her head when she bit my nipple, with teeth, while breastfeeding. . .guess i did scar her forever.

the cool part about impetigo is it is contagious and no one wants to be near us so that cleared our schedule for the next three days.  the pediatric dentist actually laughed.  yeah, no, we won't don't want your kid here with his oozing contagious facial sores.  damn, because i was really looking forward to that today on the cusp of our successful hissy fits at both appts yesterday.  

after i cleared the nyquil fog from my head this morning, i decided to make myself tea.  the same tea i made myself on the oncology unit, which was a purposeful act of self care so deep that the smell of that kind of tea infuses straight into my core.  i've never been a tea person, but that warm cup means a lot to me, in ways hard to explain.

which lead me to something awesome this morning, some clarity (see yesterday). i've been working with a web designer for so long on a new site and wondering what i would do with it, and lately, what would become of my contribution here.  and today it struck me, the purpose is already there, defined.  

my new site has all these sections i already pre-defined but the main part i told her to simply call "stories."  i love to tell stories, it's how my memory is ordered.  stories filed away with tags that trigger them.  i have so many stories i want to share with my kids, that i want to get out of me.  it's so easy for me to approach in that context.  a picture for each post, of the trigger, and then the stories it extracts from me, what they mean to me.  

that seems like an endless prompt for me as everything around me triggers a story, it's how i work.  and it's unique.  i'm not looking to build a web presence, but neither was pioneer woman, and i don't want to be a copycat or just be another mom blogger with a daily journal out there, because, that's my business.  but this seems like something that could work, not only for me, inspiring me and letting me tell stories and be creative, but i think it could maybe appeal to people, inspire others to tell their stories to their family.

here, i love here, with mary, the two of us struggling and succeeding, inspiring each other.  being honest.  and that will remain, always.  and that makes me giddy in such tender ways.  she and i have so many things we want to do, together, that is a certainty.  it makes me take a deep breath, and exhale, it is all going to come together, in a way i never imagined.

but as i looked around my house and suddenly heard all of these stories crying out from shelves, it felt calm, and warm, and happy, like a mug of tea.  i felt better. i had a little slice of clarity for breakfast.  

and then i made a heap of mac n cheese for the kids, and they both finished four helpings.  better.

to-do list:
put away laundry mountain (it took three days to wash it, time to put it away. . .so I can wash more of course)
call make-a-wish back
change out of my pjs
change sheets on master bed
enjoy better
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